I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
