I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
do herpes really smell.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
