also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
