if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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