am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize