I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im holly from the hills drunk
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
