Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
