I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
