allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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