Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
