Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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