So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I lost the right to judge tonight
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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