You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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