Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
