This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
