You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
