Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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