I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
