Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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