we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
