i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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