id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
