Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
