i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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