I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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