My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
