Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
