You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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