weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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