weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
