My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
