no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
