Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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