I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
