I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
