did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
