She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
