i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize