I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
