Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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