Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
