look no pants
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
