You can't special order awesome
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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