i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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