It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
