I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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