did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
