Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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