the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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