it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
