did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize