I accidentally had phone sex last night
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
