The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize