I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
did i walk over a car last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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