On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
