so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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