If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
