it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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