i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
