Need sex. Gaining weight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
