doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
