So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
