he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
