There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
