Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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