Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The Olympian is in my bed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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