Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
