If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
