I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
