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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
