I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
