I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
