so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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