5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
