Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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