I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
