You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
