I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
