Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
