I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
