I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
