I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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