he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
