I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
