Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We just shotgunned beers for America
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
