Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
