i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
