He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
