so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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