I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
