No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
