if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
