I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize