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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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