Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
