They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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