Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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